Turtles Can Breathe Through their Butts

turtle

My husband and I went to my boys’ Zion Choir practice because we were the taxi, and the director had asked me to put together some kind of display for their theme.

After I fiddled with the display and worked out something simple, my husband and I took our seats at the back of the chapel to wait out the remainder of rehearsal.

To pass the time, hubby pulled out his iPad, opened the Trivia App, and we started reading random tidbits of useless, but oh so enjoyable information.


Things like:

•  The oldest word in the English language is Town.
•  Turtles can breathe through their butts!
•  There are more dogs than children in the city of Paris.
•  In Alabama, it is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.
•  A mother Flamingo’s milk is red.
•  Oxymoron is itself an oxymoron because oxy means sharp, and moron means dull.
•  All shrimp are born male, but slowly grow into female as they mature.
•  Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories per hour (I’ll have to keep this in mind).
•  There are more Barbies in Italy than Canadians in Canada.
•  There are a million ants for every person on earth (who’s the guy counting?).
•  Because heat expands metal, the Eiffel Tower always leans away from the sun.
•  The flavor of Bubblegum is a combination of wintergreen, vanilla, and cassia (a form of cinnamon).
•  Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
•  Baskin Robbins once made a Ketchup flavored ice cream (blugh!).
•  Earth is the only planet not named after a god.
•  The Lion costume in the Wizard of Oz was made from real lions.


Highly enjoyable stuff (it doesn’t take much to keep us entertained).

After a bit, I get the bright idea of sharing random trivia with Lauren, who is two states away at school (because she’s probably bored out of her mind, and lonely, and missing her mom, and wishing she were still in Zion Choir, and longing for some completely useless information to fill the void of her existence that is now college life).

So, I pull out my trusty phone, push the On button, slide the unlock, touch Contact, select Lauren, and type a piece of trivia.



•  Cherophobia is a fear of fun!


Send

After it sent, I look closer at the screen, and to my HORROR, I realize I had sent it to THE WRONG ADDRESS. I inadvertently sent it to DR. HANE’s ORTHODONTIC OFFICE!!!

Apparently, his office had texted me an appointment reminder for my son, and in some weird loop/recall thing on my phone, his office screen came up instead of Lauren’s. Oh no!

I showed it to my husband, who started laughing uncontrollably. “They are going to think I am the dorkiest person on the planet!” I said to him.  He nodded and just kept laughing.  I begged him to take our son to the appointment in my place (which was the next day), but he wouldn’t do it. (When I went to the appointment, I ended up taking the seat in the corner next to the door so I wouldn’t be detected).

Needless to say, we both had a rolling laugh for the rest of rehearsal. My only comfort in this whole mix up was that at least I didn’t send Dr. Hane:


•  Turtles can breathe through their butts!


 Here’s hoping all of your communication finds its place with the right people.

 
 

 

 

 
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Don’t Eat The Salad

la fondue signAs a child, I used to watch Emeril Live instead of cartoons. I looked through cooking magazines instead of children’s books. I have always had a special affinity for food.

Even though I have had many a culinary experience, none could possibly compare to my first outing to La Fondue. This five-star restaurant  took my heart (well, my arteries really).

When my best friend, Meg, invited me with her family to La Fondue, I had some inkling of what to expect. A close family friend (named Glen) had informed me thoroughly of the ins and outs of the eatery. Delicious appetizers, wonderful cheese fondue, and a luscious dessert.

However, there was one bit of advice that surprised me.
“Do not eat the salad,” Glen insisted. Continue reading

Hastening the Work

hasten my workPreface:
The stake president assigned my family to give a “presentation” on missionary work for stake conference. Presentation? Sounds like we should present an engraved urn or a commemorative plaque or something. What exactly would we present? I don’t know because we are not examples in missionary work and we did not have any grand stories to share, but we’d give it our best.

I studied for a couple of weeks. The more I studied, the more my focus changed – on up to the day of stake conference when my husband came home 45 minutes prior to the meeting and asked, “So, you ready?”

“Not exactly,” I said, regretfully informing him that I did not have a talk – just 11 pages of disjointed notes, and therefore would not be speaking. He and the boys would have to represent. He assured me that whatever I had was fine. I disagreed. This was a talk that couldn’t be improvised.

“Just take the first three pages of notes,” he said. I didn’t know how partial notes would help, but I grabbed them and out the door we went for our 6pm meeting.

As promised, I did not even sit on the stand, but parked myself on the front/side pew. The first counselor in the stake presidency conducted (who happened to be my husband) and as he introduced our family as the first speakers, he added, “and then there is my wife, my sweetheart, my bride, I love you.” While the congregation sighed, “Oh how romantic,” I just about gagged. The dirty Dog! He’s going to call me up to speak! Sure enough, not only did he call me up, he had me speak first.

The following is what the Spirit organized from some incoherent notes into an inspiring message for Saratoga, California Stake Conference. Continue reading

Delayed Lessons from the Terminal

Flying over Wyoming to Idaho Falls

Flying over Wyoming to Idaho Falls

Over this past weekend, I attempted flying back to school (my second time flying in my life; the first was flying home 2 weeks previous for Christmas).

Flying. Ugh. Big mistake.

The flight home for Christmas was nerve-wracking, but the flight back to school was absolute insanity.

The original plan was to fly from San Francisco to Denver to Idaho Falls. But due to some pretty darn severe winter storms that completely enshrouded the east coast, I experienced quite a few problems.

First of all, my connecting flight from Denver was cancelled three times. One time the automated rebooking system omitted my final destination altogether, and I had to go to a nearby airport twice to fix the mistake.

When I finally thought that I had everything figured out, my first flight got delayed and caused me to miss my connecting flight in Denver. The flight that I would have taken the next morning (9 hours later) also got cancelled. Which meant that I had to take the afternoon flight the next day – 17 hours later.

All of this resulted in three days of intense stress and an unexpected overnight stay at the Denver Airport.

Yay. Continue reading

The Power of a Seed

photo: sdhydroponics.com

 

Those who…plant seeds of peace [will] reap a harvest of goodness.
James 3:18

Something incredible happens when you take a tiny seed, put it under several inches of dirt, give it enough water, light, and nutrients, and – Boom – the earth will be moved. It doesn’t matter that the ground is a zillion times the weight of the seed. The seed will push and grow right through it. It’s a miracle, really. There is amazing power in a seed.

As far as I know, the prophet Alma wasn’t a farmer, but in his great discourse on Faith, he compared the word of God to a seed. Continue reading

Parable of the Pilfered Pears

Filole Pears

Filole Pears

Gardeners come every Tuesday at our place. They mow, edge, and rake leaves. A few months ago, I was busy at home, the gardeners were almost finished with the back yard. All that was let to do was collect a large pile of leaves that sat under the tree. Eventually, the guy showed up in the back yard with his plastic garbage can and a rake, only he didn’t stop at the pile of leaves under the tree. He passed the leaves, walked past the sliding glass doors toward the guava tree, and there, he plopped down the can and rake.

Huh?  I thought to myself.

I went to the glass doors to try and see what he was doing at the side of the yard, but he was out of view. The only thing visible was the unused rake propped inside of the empty trash can. I waited a few minutes. Still, no gardener. What is he doing? I thought.

So, I opened the sliding glass door, making enough noise to let him know I was home. Nothing. I let a few more minutes pass, trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. No sign of him. That’s when I decided to go out and confront the man. I slid open the screen door, stepped out onto the lawn and found the guy inside my guava bushes picking, eating, and hoarding fruit. His pockets were crammed full of guavas, piles of fruit on the ground, hands full, face stuffed, and a mess of empty guava skins all over the lawn!

“What are you doing?” I said somewhat miffed.

“Oh,” He stood wide-eyed like a deer caught in the headlights as the fruit dropped randomly from his hands.

He scrambled to grab the can and rake and went over to collect the pile of leaves under the tree. As I turned to go back into the house – get this – HE WENT BACK OVER TO THE BUSH, TOOK THE PILES OF PICKED FRUIT, AND LEFT GUAVA SKIN MESS ALL OVER THE LAWN! 

Are you kidding me?! Continue reading

How I Almost Didn’t Graduate High School

Happy 2014!!!
Time for party poppers and sparklers and resolutions.
I find that I am like most people – resolutions are not my thing. I write resolutions down anyway just so I can say that I did it, but I never look back at my list (at least not until Dec. 31 when I need to refer to the previous year’s list for ideas).

The first of this year, I did just that. I noticed the usual resolutions: stay fit, read more, get good grades, etc. I also noticed one resolution that has appeared on every single resolution list I have ever made (usually written in all caps and underlined for emphasis):
Stop Procrastinating.

Looking back over this last year, that particular resolution made me cringe because…

well… I didn’t exactly fix that particular bad habit.

Many people will tell you that they are the King/Queen of Procrastination. My experience may convince you otherwise, for in 2013, I procrastinated something for the longest I have ever procrastinated.

And it almost ruined my life. Continue reading