Chocolate Made Me Cry

“Life is like a box of chocolates – you never know what you are going to get.”
– Forrest Gump

Last month was super stressful, I’m not going to lie.

I had been working on paper after paper, assignment after assignment with no downtime for 3 weeks straight. I was losing sleep over all that I had to do – the whole thing was a nightmare.

Ophelia.jpg

I feel ya Ophelia.

All the strain culminated on a particular Wednesday when I had my big Shakespeare presentation – a presentation that was freaking me out on for the several days preceding (it was on Hamlet, which I am sure was half the problem right there: not a happy play).

I had good stuff, I was just worried about pulling it all together. Working on it late into the night for a few nights in a row, I could hardly do anything else without dread following me everywhere like an attention-starved puppydog. I even prayed to Heavenly Father that if only ONE THING were to work out the next day, please let it be the presentation. Everything else could go wrong, but please let the presentation go well. Continue reading

Ask a Silly Question…Lauren’s Political Views

eagle-firework-patriotism

 

With Veteran’s Day and the recent Democratic and Republican debates taking place, Ashley, Connor, and Landon said, “Hey, I wonder what Lauren’s views are on the current parties and political issues,” and shot an email over to her in France.

This was Lauren’s political response: Continue reading

10 Hilarious Things About Growing Old

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(inspired by Chuck Lorre’s Big Bang Theory vanity post script)
 

 

 
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Dam Disappointments

hoover dam

Hoover Dam
photo: wikipedia.com

A few years ago we took a road trip to Bryce Canyon, Zion’s Canyon, and Vegas. Between Nevada and Arizona, we decided to stop at the site of one of the most impressive US engineering feats of the 20th century: Hoover Dam.

We looked forward to spending a couple of hours taking the inside tour, combing over historic photographs, learning the history of 1935’s world’s largest concrete structure, enjoying the breathtaking view, and extolling the dam’s massive hydro-electric power-generating system.

This was going to be both educational and fun.

In the slow stop-and-go traffic on the winding US 93 up to the Dam, our conversation was buzzing with anticipation. When we finally reached the top, parked the car, and began walking toward the entrance, we and about 200 other tourists were met by a swarm of police officers with guns, bullet-proof vests, special goggles, and walkie-talkies. The Dam was on lock-down. Continue reading

Turtles Can Breathe Through their Butts

turtle

My husband and I went to my boys’ Zion Choir practice because we were the taxi, and the director had asked me to put together some kind of display for their theme.

After I fiddled with the display and worked out something simple, my husband and I took our seats at the back of the chapel to wait out the remainder of rehearsal.

To pass the time, hubby pulled out his iPad, opened the Trivia App, and we started reading random tidbits of useless, but oh so enjoyable information.


Things like:

•  The oldest word in the English language is Town.
•  Turtles can breathe through their butts!
•  There are more dogs than children in the city of Paris.
•  In Alabama, it is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.
•  A mother Flamingo’s milk is red.
•  Oxymoron is itself an oxymoron because oxy means sharp, and moron means dull.
•  All shrimp are born male, but slowly grow into female as they mature.
•  Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories per hour (I’ll have to keep this in mind).
•  There are more Barbies in Italy than Canadians in Canada.
•  There are a million ants for every person on earth (who’s the guy counting?).
•  Because heat expands metal, the Eiffel Tower always leans away from the sun.
•  The flavor of Bubblegum is a combination of wintergreen, vanilla, and cassia (a form of cinnamon).
•  Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
•  Baskin Robbins once made a Ketchup flavored ice cream (blugh!).
•  Earth is the only planet not named after a god.
•  The Lion costume in the Wizard of Oz was made from real lions.


Highly enjoyable stuff (it doesn’t take much to keep us entertained).

After a bit, I get the bright idea of sharing random trivia with Lauren, who is two states away at school (because she’s probably bored out of her mind, and lonely, and missing her mom, and wishing she were still in Zion Choir, and longing for some completely useless information to fill the void of her existence that is now college life).

So, I pull out my trusty phone, push the On button, slide the unlock, touch Contact, select Lauren, and type a piece of trivia.



•  Cherophobia is a fear of fun!


Send

After it sent, I look closer at the screen, and to my HORROR, I realize I had sent it to THE WRONG ADDRESS. I inadvertently sent it to DR. HANE’s ORTHODONTIC OFFICE!!!

Apparently, his office had texted me an appointment reminder for my son, and in some weird loop/recall thing on my phone, his office screen came up instead of Lauren’s. Oh no!

I showed it to my husband, who started laughing uncontrollably. “They are going to think I am the dorkiest person on the planet!” I said to him.  He nodded and just kept laughing.  I begged him to take our son to the appointment in my place (which was the next day), but he wouldn’t do it. (When I went to the appointment, I ended up taking the seat in the corner next to the door so I wouldn’t be detected).

Needless to say, we both had a rolling laugh for the rest of rehearsal. My only comfort in this whole mix up was that at least I didn’t send Dr. Hane:


•  Turtles can breathe through their butts!


 Here’s hoping all of your communication finds its place with the right people.

 
 

 

 

 
They are starting to put ads on our blog. We do not approve these and are not getting any residuals whatsoever, so I apologize for the content. I’ll see what I can do about it.

Ode to The Ugly Sweater

Ugly Sweaters

All Hail Ugly Sweater Day!
The pink bells actually jingled when he walked

Last week, my two teenage boys informed me that they needed Ugly Sweaters. The reason? High School Spirit Week had designated one day as Ugly Sweater Day.

Ugly Sweaters. You know exactly what I’m talking about, don’t you. Those fashion faux pas of the 90s. The overly appliquéd, hand painted, tasseled, fringed, be-jeweled, sequined, buttons and bows, multi-patterned sweaters of days gone by.

My boys’ school Spirit Day isn’t the first we’ve heard of Ugly Sweater themes. My daughters’ Girl’s Camp, for the past five years, has made ugly sweaters a campfire must. TV shows and commercials have recently heralded the ugly sweater. Jimmy Fallon has a 12 Days of Christmas Sweaters give-away. Good Morning America has featured them. There’s even a viral video about a tacky sweater dance: Swants, they call it.

How did something so wrong become so cool? You’d think that in our sophisticated 21st century, we’d have let bygones be bygones. And, if we have officially designated them as “Tacky” now, how is it that 20+ years ago, they were beloved by so many? Continue reading